


Toothepaste & Cigerettes (Wolf 359 drabble)

by oscarwildeboytoy



Category: Wolf 359 (Radio)
Genre: A collection of drabbles from my doug eiffel ask blog, AND GAY, Also fluff, F/F, F/M, M/M, and minlace, lots of gay, sorry i dont make the rules, space is gay, theres angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-16
Updated: 2017-11-18
Packaged: 2019-01-18 07:07:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 2,856
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12383337
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oscarwildeboytoy/pseuds/oscarwildeboytoy
Summary: A collection of Drabbles from my Doug Eiffel ask and roleplay blog.





	1. Give me the keys.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Post Hephastus, Doug and company are out drinking and he's had a bit too much. Lovelace takes his keys and they separately contemplate where they are.

Eiffel stumbled keys in hand and his breath smelling of liquor. He exhaled his breaths visible assuring him, that somehow, he was still alive. 

He fumbled with the keys trying to unlock the door to his used Corolla but merely succeeded in scratching the paint. He groaned and leaned against the icy door lighting a cigarette and bringing it to his lips. 

A voice startled him out of his whiskey tinted revelry. 

“You weren’t thinking about driving were you?”

Doug looked up and gave a half smile to the tall woman in front of him.

“Lovelace, hey!”

She leaned against the car as well.

“Answer the question Eiffel.”

He chuckled and dropped the cigarette butt crushing it under his heel.

“I didn’t have that much. I can drive, I’m fine.”

Lovelace stood up stretching for a moment and looking up at the night sky.

“No.”

Eiffel furrowed his brow processing the one word while also glancing at the starless sky.

“No, not much of a–”

Lovelace shot her hand out grabbing the keys from him.

“Hey!”

She smiled and playfully shoved him aside hopping in the front seat. The door was already unlocked. Only proving how intoxicated he was.

“I’m driving.”

Eiffel took a moment then laughed and stumbled to the passenger seat. 

“Yeah ok.”

Lovelace started the car and they both sat in silence for a moment.

“Where do you want to go?”

She asked her eyes still on the sky.

“Anywhere but here. Just drive.”

She nodded and pulled out onto the lonely stretch of road.

“That I can do.”


	2. I can't stand ti be around you (I miss you)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A kepcobi Angst short, Jacobi is sent to the brig when doug wanders off. He feels emotions he doesn't want to face when he sees kepler again.

Jacobi tapped away at the keys, barely even paying attention to the monotonous task anymore. His mind had wandered else where, and even he would be hard pressed to tell you where it had gone. 

An incoming comms signal pulled him from his dull revelry and he looked up even though Hera wasn’t really “up"there. 

“Jacobi, why aren’t you being supervised?”

Jacobi tensed but then took a deep breath and contained his gut reaction to snap at the AI who had it out for him. 

“I was doing the work Minkowski assigned–”

“Commander Minkowski.”

Hera corrected. 

“Right So I was doing that work, Eiffel was here and he walked off. I’m still doing work. As I’m sure you're perfectly capable of observing.”

Jacobi turned back to the screen and started typing again hoping Hera would leave if he just ignored her.

“Do you know where Eiffel went?”

He thought back but he only remembered Eiffel walking out, if the comms officer had said why Jacobi had tuned it out.

“Nope sorry. I was so absorbed in my enthralling work I must not have caught the reason.”

Hera was silent for a long moment and he looked up again.

“Hera?”

Her voice patched in and Jacobi was put off by the worry there.

“Ok well, I’m going to "escort” you to the brig. Just until I can find everyone.”

Jacobi half chuckled but he was confused as well,

"You can’t find them?”

Heras derisive scoff rung clear in the near empty room.

“No I need to find Eiffel, I know where everyone else is.”

Jacobi nodded and logged off the interface. 

“Yeah ok, on my way now.”

***

Jacobi entered the brig, his mind had been wandering again and he didn’t even consider that he might have to talk to the man that said his name as he entered.

“Jacobi?”

Daniel looked up, and then at kepler and he felt his whole body go on edge. He prayed silently that Hera would find Doug quickly so he could leave.

“Colonel Kepler.”

He replied coldly. 

“Oh don’t be that way Jacobi, we are still on the same team you and I.”

Jacobi took a deep breath and a step back. 

“I’m not sure we were ever on the same team,”

Kepler smiled and cocked an eyebrow in that condescending way that was all too familiar.

“So quick to doubt me Jacobi? They would all have you thrown out an airlock if they didn’t think you could benefit them.”

The anger bubbled up, and Jacobi tried to calm himself but he could almost feel tears prick at his eyes.

“Are you saying you would have done the exact same thing?”

Jacobi swore he saw a flash of hurt on Kepler’s face, but knowing the man it was probably just a trick of the light.

“I’m hurt you would think that Dan-”

The comms system buzzed.

“Ok Officer Jacobi, you are clear to join Eiffel in the comms room again.”

Jacobi felt relief flood his system and he took a step back and headed for the door.

“So goodbye for now then?”

Kepler said, and it almost didn’t sound like a taunt.

“Goodbye for a long time hopefully.”

Daniels voice was tired, and he didn’t even turn. Even though he wanted to. 

“Is that really what you want Jacobi?”

Jacobi did feel tears building now, and he tensed and pressed the doors button.

“Yes, I can’t be around you.”

And then he left wiping tears furiously from his eyes. And no, It wasn't really what he wanted


	3. Really commander?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Doug has been on a junk food binge, Minkowsi takes drastic measures to get him to eat healthy.

“I’m not an idiot, I know how to get my communications officer to eat fiber."

Hera sighed loudly as Commander Minkowski packed several packs of “healthy” foods into her pack as well as a sedative. 

“Are you seriously going to drug him just to get him to eat a healthy meal?”

Minkowski zipped up the bag decisively and nodded.

“He was sick Hera, this insistence on living off coffee and snack foods is going to kill him.”

“So your plan is to sedate him…”

“If that’s what it takes.”

Renee started down the hall to the comms room, checking each corner to make sure Doug wasn’t there. Hera’s voice patched over the com system.

“You know you could just ask me if he’s in the communications room, right?”

“Quiet! He might hear you!”

Minkowski looked around quickly and then relaxed when she saw nothing.

“Ok. Is he in the communications room?”

Hera sighed, and after checking and seeing Eiffel fiddling with something he definitely should not be messing with, patched back to Renee.

“Yes he is.”

Minkowski entered the last corridor before the comms room and too a deep breath.

“Good. Here goes nothing.”

She burst into the communications room sedative needle held behind her back. It was only a small dose so he would just feel a bit sleepy and weak. When the door opened Eiffel jumped.

“What the hell!! Oh… Commander, I was just… Hey”

“Eiffel, I’m going to give you a chance to make the right decision here.”

Doug stood and narrowed his eyes.

“Regarding?”

“Your sudden ridiculous choice to not eat anything more than junk food.”

Eiffel burst out laughing.

“Is that was this is seriously about. You come in here SWAT team style because i ate my dessert before my vegetables.”

Minkowski tightened her grip on the syringe. 

“Is that a no then?”

Eiffel sat chuckling a little and shaking his head.

“No it’s not a not. I’ll eat my greens mom.”

“I’m sorry what did you say.”

Eiffel tensed and quickly corrected his joke.

“Er i mean Sir..”

Minkowski relaxed and sat the pack by Eiffel.

“I’m not leaving until you eat at least two of these.”

Doug sighed and picked them up starting in on his healthy meal as Renee slipped the capped syringe into her suit’s pocket. 

“See Hera I told you I could.”

Hera rolled her “eyes” and sighed glad Eiffel was agreeing to contribute to his health.

“Yes sir, you did.”


	4. Just read the book!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Minkowski and Lovelace lock Doug in the comms room to get him to read Pryce and Carter. He is as uncooperative as usual.

Minkowski groaned as Eiffel’s voice echoed loudly over the com system. Eiffel meanwhile was sitting in the comms room Pryce and Carter pages spread out in front of him. Conveniently ripped from the book’s backing in a moment of weakness on Doug’s part. 

“Eiffel, stop complaining and just finish the pages I told you to read.” 

Eiffel threw his head back and groaned loudly into the mic. The response from Renee was to ask Hera to make sure no transmission from Doug were broadcast to the rest of the station unless it was an emergency. Eiffel picked up the pages and angrily read a few of the tips out loud. He thought back to his time alone on Lovelace’s ship and purposefully ignored the help that a few of these tips had given him. After all, he was stubborn, and all the pages were so boring. He began to let his mind drift until Hera’s voice jerked him out of his fog.

“Officer Eiffel if you insist on not doing this, I feel I should inform you Commander Minkowski is quite serious about keeping you in here until you do it.”

“That’s ridiculous!”

Eiffel stood and began pacing, trying to think of a way to get out of reading the book. Hera’s voice again rang out, her own lack of patience clear in her voice.

“You know, if you just do it. You can come out. It wouldn’t even take you that long.”

Eiffel spun around and sat down dramatically.

“It’s a matter of principle Hera.”

Hera sighed and let Renee know that Doug’s attitude had not changed. And then, because she too was getting a little tired of Eiffel’s stubbornness, clipped back to the comms room and said,

“Fine then I guess you’ll just have to suffer longer.”


	5. Oh, Bite Me!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [Based on a Vamp! Doug Halloween rp, I got a bite me prompt and had to do an ode to halloween as well as a throw back]  
> Doug finds out one of Hilbert's experiments has turned him into a vampire. Hera has way more fun with this than she probably should.

Eiffel sat and stared at the screen willing the results to change. They stayed the same despite his valiant efforts.

 

“Officer Eiffel I think we should tell–” 

“Nope! Nope! Noooo!”

Eiffel paced back and forth. Jittery and a little scared. 

“How does something like this even happen in space?”

His voice was more high pitched than usual and his brow furrowed into something similar to a pout.

“I don't know… Hilbert had some weird experiments going on…”

Eiffel groaned and threw his hands up.

“Oh don’t even remind me! I was basically the man's human guinea pig!”

Doug swore he heard Hera laugh and he jerked his head.

“Something to say Hera?”

She did laugh this time,

“I’m sorry it’s just you said human and technically—”

“Don’t even!”

Eiffel interjected with a finger pointed in the general direction of the comms speaker. 

“You’re a vampire! I'm sorry I shouldn’t laugh but you seem to be relatively your normal self despite your weird cravings.”

Eiffel felt the burn in his throat and the tug in his stomach that left him a little on edge.

“My usual self?”

He asked, curious what she could mean by that when he was literally growing longer incisors. 

“Yeah you know, annoying, loud, smelly, weird food cravings, now instead of pizza with sweet and sour sauce its—”

"Quit or I'll bite!"

He realized how empty the threat was as soon as Hera burst out laughing. 

"You do that Eiffel. I wonder if you're new teeth go through steel and wire."


	6. No Questions!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The crew plays funzo and it quickly devolves as Eiffel shows his competitive side. (Based on an anon prompt for "I can't stand you" ~Funzo)

“No! How does this game even make sense!”

“You're just being a sore loser Eiffel.”   
Lovelace smirked as she watched eiffel frustratedly stare down the game. 

“Well it's hard to win when the game makes absolutely no sense!”  
He narrowed his eyes further. 

“It makes sense to me.”   
Hera patched in. 

“Sure it does! You're probably reading the rule book as we play! No room for confusion there!”

“We read you the rules,”   
Minkowski was smirking too, she glanced at lovelace and they shared an amused look. Renee was competitive and she was definitely not winning, or maybe she was who knows, But seeing Eiffel so frustrated definitely had its merits. 

“Ok let me see the book!”  
Lovelace tossed it at him, and her voice was dripping with sarcasm. 

“There you go, see if that helps makes sense if it.”  
Doug started flipping through the rules.

“What!?”  
He threw the book down.  
“None of that even-- what?!”  
He sat back crossing his arms.   
“This is a stupid game.”

“Now now Eiffel come on, where is that team spirit.”  
Lovelace grinned. 

“Easy for you to say you are on Hera and Minkowski's team. I have Jacobi and I'm pretty sure he has zoned out enough to not even know I'm talking.”  
Jacobi looked up at his name. 

“I'm sorry did you say something? I have this thing where when someone who is really stupid starts making noise I just find myself elsewhere.”

“Case in point.”  
Eiffel sat forward and looked at the game again.   
“Do any of you even know who is winning?”

“Oh us, definitely.”  
Hera sounded just as amused at Lovelace and Minkowski. 

“Fantastic.”  
Eiffel rubbed his temple.  
“what about you pyro, any strategies here?”  
Jacobi sat forward and looked at the game taking a long moment. 

“No.”

“No! Just no?!”  
Eiffel threw his hands in the air.   
“Do you even care if we win?”

“Not even a little.”  
Jacobi answered slightly amused as well now. 

“You don't strike me as the non competitive type Jacobi”  
Lovelace chimed in.

“Are you kidding? Being on a ship with Maxwell and kepler beats any competitiveness out of you. I never had any chance of winning against them.”  
Minkowski half flinched at Maxwell's name. 

“Oh yeah, questions, Fortunately, and--”  
Jacobi cut Renee off, 

“Unfortunately, you shot Maxwell.” 

“Nope!”  
Eiffel stood and kicked the board.   
“Nope! Not here! Not today! Nope!” 

“I was just playing the game Eiffel.”  
Jacobi smirked.

“No you were playing the fortunately Unfortunately, Which shows Your love for explosions way too much for my taste.”   
Lovelace was holding back laughter at this point. 

“Are you saying you forfeit the game Eiffel?”  
She asked, giving jacobi a look which he returned with a grin. 

“Or are you saying you want to keep playing?”  
He Glanced at Eiffel feigning innocence. Hera patched in. 

“Do you know what it means to forfeit?”  
Eiffel narrowed his eyes.

“What are you all--”

“Does that mean we win?”  
Minkowski added choosing to join the fun rather than dwell on Maxwell's memory.

“Wait-”

“Yes?”  
Lovelace Grinned mischievously. 

“No! Not this game again! No questions!”

“Whatever do you mean Eiffel?”  
Jacobi added.

“You know!”

“Do we?”

Minkowski smiled cocking an eyebrow.

“This is on you!”  
Doug shot Jacobi a disdainful look.  
“I can't stand you!”

He stormed off as Hera, minkowski, Lovelace, and Jacobi burst into laughter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoo! I needed some happy Hephestus after all my recent angst writing! I hope y'all liked it! Please comment!


	7. Is this a dream?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jacobi plans for his takeover of the autopilot, and he speaks to the person it's all for. (Prompts based on the anon request "Kick his ass for me" Dead Maxwell to Jacobi)

Jacobi paced nervously glancing at the time. Only a few minutes until Hera went on autopilot. Only a few minutes until he put his plan into place. Only a few minutes until he was able to finally get some semblance of justice for Maxwell. 

“You can do this.”  
He muttered. He wasn't nervous, not in the sense of whether he knew if he wanted this or not. No, he knew he needed to do this. He was nervous because he had waited so long. And here he was. Here was the time for vengeance. 

“You are going to make me sick pacing that much.”  
Jacobi jumped and spun, he couldn't believe his eyes. Maxwell.

“I'm dreaming, this is a dream.”  
He stood still, not able to take his eyes off her.

“Probably!”  
She laughed and pulled her legs up sitting cross legged.   
“Then again maybe you've lost it. Or! Maybe I'm a ghost!”  
She waved her finger in a spooky motion. 

“I’d believe the first one before the second.”  
He glanced at her, she looked good But then again, anything was better than dead. 

“Well it's probably just a revenge fantasy dream. Too bad right.”  
She smirked and looked around.  
“You've been waiting for this.”

“Yes. I have. I've… I've missed you”   
He looked down blinking tears from his eyes.

“Awe don't cry! come on! I missed you too, you idiot.”   
She smiled.

“Yeah yeah I'm not crying I just have something in my eye.”  
He wiped at his eyes and chuckled. 

“Sure just like when we watched Marley and Me, right?”  
They both laughed. 

“So this is a dream?”  
He Glanced at her half hoping she'd say no. 

“Or a fantasy. Either way I'm still dead.” 

“Right…”  
He looked down again.

“Don't do that. I've been dead this whole time. One jedi master dream sequence doesn't change that. Besides, you have other things to worry about now. Time sensitive things.”   
She looked over at the computer.

“Do you remember how to do it?”  
Jacobi nodded. 

“How could I forget.”   
Alana stood and walked to jacobi she out a hand on his shoulder. He swore he could almost feel it.

“It wasn't just her.”   
She said quietly.

“I know.”  
His voice was small unwilling to break the emotion of the moment. 

“Then you know what you are gonna do?”  
She asked staring into his eyes. 

“Yes.”  
He answered resolutely his voice still a whisper. 

“Good.”  
She embraced him.  
“Jacobi?”

“Yeah?”  
His voice broke as he embraced her back. 

“Kick his ass for me.”  
She squeezed him as he squeezed his eyes shut. When opened them he was alone again and he wiped tears from his eyes slowly. He had a plan to put in place. But as he typed away preparing as Hera went offline he almost could feel her and he whispered once more, 

“For you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Im not crying you are crying. Just kidding I'm totally crying. I hope y'all like this! Please leave comments!


End file.
